I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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