it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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