just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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