Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
