Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
