last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
