There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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