He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize