it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
