It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis