Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.