based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.