in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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