based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.