What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.