you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
