She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
