wanna go halves on a baby?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
