so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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