How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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