I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
