Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
