why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
