i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
