She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
