Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
