Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
