You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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