Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Can I color on your dick again?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize