so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Randomize
