Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize