Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
