Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
