to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
