take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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