Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
