I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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