Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She even gives head with a lisp.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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