I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
