so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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