my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
