so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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