My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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