Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
