Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
