I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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