Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
