I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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