u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
