i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
