Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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