how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
