I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
