Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I know her cup size but not her name....
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