I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
