I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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