you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
