no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
