Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
