Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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