We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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