You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
