Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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