And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
