foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
