i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
