This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
