I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.