just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.