worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.