I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.