Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
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you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Canadian or clown?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.