you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?