I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear