FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You were trust falling into bushes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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