i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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