that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
