I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
