Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
